


Let Me Count the Ways

by ThisWasInevitable



Series: Government Men and Their Cryptid Boyfriends [5]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Body Worship, Duck misremembering aseops fables, Fingerfucking, Fluff and Smut, Kissing, M/M, OT4: Government Men and Their Cryptid Boyfriends, Polyamory, Reader requests, Trans Duck Newton, Trans Stern, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-12
Updated: 2019-10-12
Packaged: 2020-12-14 00:16:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21006530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThisWasInevitable/pseuds/ThisWasInevitable
Summary: It's Ducks' birthday. Stern has something very special planned to help him celebrate.





	Let Me Count the Ways

**Author's Note:**

> A reader requested, "In choosing your own adventure we get that scene where Stern brings up worshipping Ducks body, if you're still doing requests: I'd love to see that. Maybe for Duck's birthday and maybe Stern gets Indrid to help? "

Amnesty lodge is brightly lit and cheerful, the late afternoon sun painting the whole building gold. Laughter flutters out the open windows and into the trees. 

The cause of the celebration?

Duck Newtons' birthday. 

He’d let Juno plan it, which lead to Aubrey, Leo, and half the lodge being involved in the execution. Which is why Mama and Leo are now discussing the finer points of woodcarving, Jake and Hollis are trying to teach Minerva how to stunt on a dirtbike, and Barclay is knee deep in dishes trying to get the kitchen in a place where he can actually do dinner service. 

Not that Duck isn’t enjoying himself. He's surrounded by the people he loves, Barclay made all his favorite things, and nothing is trying to kill them or bring about the end of the world. 

Indrid is lounging beside him on the couch as they watch Juno try to teach Dr. Harris Bonkers the names of edible plants. Duck’s still a bit stunned from Indrids' gift; a receipt, slipped into Ducks pocket before he left for work, stating that an enormous sum of money had been donated to reforestation efforts in Ducks name. 

When he’d asked Indrid where the money came from, he shrugged, “I’ve been on Earth awhile.”

A shadow falls over his face as Stern settles onto the arm of the couch beside him. 

“You been hangin around ‘Drid too long, you’re startin to perch.”

“Hmm? Ah, I suppose so.” 

“I told you Barclay wouldn’t let you help long before shooing you back out to enjoy yourself.” Indrid murmurs.

“Yes, well, I didn’t want to let him clean up from everything without at least offering to help with the dishes.” 

Duck pats his knee sympathetically. Sterns’ gift to him was a subscription service that delivers him a new model ship each month. But he has a hunch, from how absentminded Stern has been all day, that there may be something else coming. 

There’s a crash followed by Minerva yelling “triumph” outside, and Duck looks out the window to make sure nothing is on fire. 

He looks back in time to spot conspiratorial glance pass between his boyfriends (truth be told, half of Indrids' glances look that way on account of the glasses and the smile), which means whatever Stern is planning will likely happen when the three of them get back home (Barclay has to work the rest of the night).

Duck’s in no hurry to leave his party.

But he can’t wait to go home. 

\-----------------------------------------

Even though he’s been thinking about this, down to the last detail, for months, a pang of worry shoots across Sterns chest when he takes Ducks hand. They’ve only been home for ten or so minutes, Duck checking on the cat as Indrid sketches new futures and throws away old ones. 

“I have something else planned for tonight.” 

Duck’s smile suggests he knows the shape of what’s coming, “That so? Lead the way, darlin.”

He follows him into the bedroom, and Stern shuts the door softly. 

“Guessin this ain’t the kind of ‘present’ you could give me in public.”

“That’s correct. Do you remember a few months ago, the first time we went stargazing? I mentioned something I wanted to do and it seemed as though you were open to it.”

“‘Every goddamn inch’?” Duck murmurs, leading Stern towards the bed.

“Yes.” He says quietly. 

“That what you wanna do for me tonight, gorgeous? Spend it showin me just how much you like this?” He gestures broadly to himself.

“Yes, so very much.” He pulls Duck into a kiss by his shirt and the ranger guides them backwards until they flop and fumble onto the bed. 

Stern undoes the shirt he's wearing in a hurry, holds out a hand to stop Duck from doing the same.

“I’d like to do that. Please.” 

Duck raises his eyebrows but says nothing, reclines back against the pillows as Stern slides out of his slacks, leaving him in just his boxer briefs. Ones worn specifically because they’ll make Duck laugh. 

“Are those fuckin _duck_ patterned?” He’s giggling already.

“Yes. I figured that I had Bigfoot and mothman ones already-”

“You got Mothman boxers?”

“-and I wanted to have ones with you on them as well.” It’s silly, this was a silly, corny thing to do and Duck will tell him as much. 

“Awful lot of marshmallow tucked under that fancy suit, ain’t there?” Duck grins, slight blush on his cheeks.

Oh, right, Duck is even more of a cornball than he is.

He straddles Ducks hips, starts with his top button as he dips his head forward. Kisses an arc from the base of his neck down to his collarbone, soft and reverent, as he undoes the next two. Skirts his lips back up the edges of Ducks jaw.

“You have such a strong, handsome profile.” He places a kiss on Ducks lips, manages to get the last buttons undone, and the ranger sits up so he can slide the shirt from his shoulders. When he lays back down, Stern drops to kiss over his heart. 

“Ain’t given this fuckin masterpiece any more love?” Duck circles a finger in the air, indicating his face.

“I will, don’t worry. I have the order of things all figured out.”

He nuzzles and kisses a line across Ducks chest, kisses each half-moon scar once, because he knows exactly how much of a pain in the ass it was for Duck to get them and he’s glad he did (because it makes Duck happy).

“......Joe, did you make a fuckin spreadsheet to plan this out?”

“Possibly.”

Duck guffaws, and Stern sighs happily against the dark chest hair, “I adore your laugh, Duck, and I adore the way I can feel it all through your body.” 

He glides his lips down and down, rubs his cheek against Ducks belly, bites it once gently with his teeth. 

“You know, there’s quite a bit of muscle here.”

“Quite a bit of somethin else too.” Duck adds. Stern knows, from observation more than anything else, that Duck is confident in his body nine times out of ten. That remaining time, he zeros in on the parts of himself that he views as not living up to certain social expectations. 

“It makes an excellent combination. Strong and soft at the same time, just like you. I love touching it, the way it feels under my hands. Under my mouth.” He bites down, hard, sucking a bruise into the skin. Does it again when Duck moans loud and opens his legs. 

“And while we’re on the subject of things I cannot get enough of…..” He sits up, undoing Ducks pants and pulling them down along with his boxers, returns to his position kneeling between his legs. 

“I meant to, ah, do that slower but I very much need to touch these now.” He drags his hands hungrily down Ducks thighs.

“Touch as much as you want, darlin.” Duck licks his lips.

“I just, god, Duck, sometimes I wish there was a way I could fuck these” he squeezes them again “and find out how they feel, I mean really feel, when I do. I imagine them all thick and warm around me and oh, oh _Duck_.” He curves forward, presses a kiss to the inside of the right thigh with a fervor that surprises them both. Continues to do so, switching between legs, under Duck is groaning in delight and he’s panting.

“Do you have any idea how lucky I am that I get to do this with you?” This he asks as his lips map the curves of Ducks right leg, the last kiss landing on the top of his foot. Duck laughs, hips twitching when Stern crawls up to start on his left leg.

“About as lucky as I am for havin you do it? You’re somethin else, Joe. Love watchin that handsome face between my legs.” 

Stern smiles sweetly, draws his tongue in one, long swipe up Ducks cock. 

“Fuuuck” The ranger groans. The noise grows louder when he notices Stern is lavishing attention on his belly and legs, rather than continuing to suck him off. 

“I told you, I have it all planned out.”

“Didn’t know you had it in you to tease, darlin.” Duck rolls onto his stomach when Stern nudges him to do so. 

“Just because I don’t torment people like Indrid doesn’t mean I don’t know how. I can be very patient.”

“Uh huh, sure” Duck turns his head as Stern straddles him again, smile so charming Stern can’t help but kiss it, “last time we were all fuckin around together you had Barclays cock down your throat before I even got my fuckin pants off.”

Stern huffs, “Alright, so maybe I used up most of my patience on a multi-month search for a creature that was, unbeknownst to me, bringing me coffee each morning the whole damn time."

That, he thinks, and the fact that before Barclay it had been a long time since any one person had wanted more than a night with him. Let alone three people. Was it a bad thing that he approached each time Barclay tugged at his clothes so hard they tore, each time Indrid got that one, predatory smile on his face, each time Duck kissed him, like a starving man who wasn’t sure he’d get to eat again?

“You know that ain’t a bad thing right? Real goddamn gratifyin knowin someone wants you that way.” Duck takes Sterns hand where it’s resting on his shoulder, kisses it once before letting go, “Now, you gonna put the next part of your carefully planned moves on me?”

“Yes” Stern smirks, “starting with telling you how much I like these.” He rubs his hands along Ducks arms and up to the lateral muscles, thumbing at any knots he finds along the way.

“Your arms are magnificent. Truly the perfect size, and I love being held by them. I noticed, you know, when you started training more. Right here” he kneads strong shoulders, Duck flexing his fingers in pleasure “and here” he circles his palms across his back, “got much more developed.”

Duck mutters “least someone noticed” and the same time Indrid calls “I was gone and therefore couldn’t” from the living room. Stern snickers, continues massaging his way down, lips trailing after his hands. A low, grateful groan is filling the room, Duck relaxing further into the mattress with every inch Stern covers. 

“Every bit of you is so perfect. It’s a struggle to find a part I love best.” He grabs and gropes at Ducks sides, moaning “lord, I can't believe you’re here and you’re wonderful and you’re letting me do this.” His teeth graze Ducks lower back

“And then there’s _this_.” He sits up, setting his hands on Ducks ass and kneading it gently, “I’m not sure I can even describe how magnificent it is. It’s the best shape, feels incredible under my hands.”

“How’sabout showin instead of tellin?” Duck wiggles his hips, tantalizing.

Stern reaches under the bed for his kit, pulls out a dental dam and holds it where Duck can see it. 

“I’d like to do exactly that, if you’ll let me.”

“Shit, really? I ain’t had anyone do that in years.”

“Yes, please. I've been dreaming of it since that first time.”

“Go for it, darlin.” Duck nestles against the pillows as Stern tears the dam out of the bag. He takes a moment to drag his tongue and teeth along the curves of Ducks ass. When he finally teases and presses at the dam, Duck makes an undignified noise above him. 

Since his mouth is occupied, he uses his hands and his throat to show Duck just how much he’s enjoying this. He paws and pets at his ass, moans loud when he notices Duck slip a hand between his legs to stroke himself.

There was a time where the messiness, the wet sound of tongue on rubber and his own hungry grunts would have embarrassed him. But not now. Not with Duck, who is pushing his ass against Sterns eager mouth and telling Stern how good it feels, how well he’s doing. 

When he pulls back he rests his face against one cheek, panting.

“Thank you” he whispers.

“Jesus fuckin christ that felt good.”

Stern smiles, “Have I mentioned I adore your voice?”

“It’s cause you’re a city boy and you think my twang is exotic.” Duck teases. 

“Maybe you’re right.” He climbs up the bed so he’s sitting by the pillows, pats his lap so Duck gets the hint to roll over and rest his head in it, “all the same. I’d like to appreciate it more. With some help.”

The door creaks open and Indrid, already in his Sylph form, steps through it. 

“Hello, love.”

“Hey.” Duck breathes out.

Indrid crawls onto the bed, Duck opening his legs before the Sylph even reaches the edge of it.

“See, as much as I like your voice when you’re just talking…”

“AHhhn, fuck, fuck.” Duck arches off the bed as Indrid pushes in without hesitation 

“It sounds even better when you’re being fucked by this magnificent creature.”

Indrid lifts his head with a preening purr, flicks his tongue up Sterns cheek. Then the bed is shaking beneath him as the Sylph pounds into Duck relentlessly. As the ranger invents new curse words with every thrust, Stern cups his face, caressing it.

“You look so handsome when you’re being fucked. I didn’t think it was possible for you too look more captivating than you do when you laugh, but I was wrong.”

“Joe, ‘Drid, fuck_me_ohthat’sgood.” Ducks lips part in a gasp and Stern runs his thumb along them. Mismatched eyes look up at him, heavy with lust. 

“These are so full, so imminently kissable. Is that still the term?”

“Don’t, gracious, don’t look at me I still use slang from the 70s.” Indrid smiles, switches his tempo, Duck yelping as he does. Stern hunches forward to kiss him, Duck’s mouth pliant and welcoming. He could kiss him forever.

When he sits back up, Ducks hand chases after him, petting his cheek as the ranger whimpers. Stern brings the hand to his lips, kissing along the back before nipping the palm. 

“How could I forget about these? They’re capable, they’re responsible for who knows how many trees being healthy, they know just what to do to drive me wild.” He continues holding the hand as his other digs into Ducks hair and tugs just a little. 

“Shhhit, I’m close, darlin, baby.” Ducks free hand is scratching at Indrids arms and wings.

“I actually like the grey in your hair.” Stern muses.

“See? I am not the only one who thinks it looks distinguished.” Indrid leans down and nuzzles Ducks forehead. 

“I’ll take your word, fuck, shit, for it, just don’t fuckin stop.”

“Never” Stern pulls Ducks head by the hair so that he’s arching slightly, unable to look away from the agent, “you look so handsome when you come, your face lines so beautifully, you sound so good.” 

Ducks nails dig into his hand as he comes with moan. He yanks their joined hands down to him, kissing Sterns wrist messily as Indrid continues thrusting into him. 

“I love watching Indrid fuck you after you’ve come. You look so relaxed, so blissful.”

“Nnnnf” is all Duck manages to get out and Stern smiles, pets his hair. 

“You feel lovely too” Indrid chirps “taking me so perfectly, as if you were made for me oh! Ohhhhyes.” Duck moves their joined hands along Indrids antennae, a deep purr pouring out of the Sylph as he comes. 

He pulls out, fixes Stern with and I-know-something-you-don’t grin.

“You may wish to brace yourself.”

“For what?OHlord.” Duck is on him without warning, pinning his wrists against the headboard using only his left hand. His right dives beneath the waistband of Sterns boxer briefs, three fingers slipping into him easily. 

“Do you have any idea how fuckin hot that was?” He growls and Stern may as well be a candle under a blowtorch for how fast he melts at the tone.

“I-I wanted it to be, ohlord, yes, like _that_. I wanted to be good for you.”

“Mission fuckin accomplished.” Ducks' kiss is greedy, as if he’s trying to take all of Stern in at once. Stern whimpers at the accompanying increase in pace, Duck fingerfucking him roughly and lovingly. 

“You did so good” Duck pants against his mouth, “so goddamn good, Joe, darlin, Ohyeah.” Duck groans sharply as Stern sucks a hickey against his neck to stifle the cry that comes with his climax, that perfect, wonderful body seemingly surrounding him as the ranger works him through his orgasm.

As he comes down from it, Duck gingerly rolls them so they’re on their sides, face to face. 

“I love you.” Stern whispers. 

A beat of surprise, and then Duck smiles. 

“Love you too, city mouse.”

“Excuse me?”

“Y’know, like Aesop's fables. Country mouse” he points to his chest “and city mouse” he draws his finger beneath the scar on Sterns left side absentmindedly.

“Duck, honey, if I recall correctly they’re cousins in that story.”

“ Then we can make up a new one where they’re boyfriends instead.” Duck mumbles, still very sex-drunk.

“Very well. We’ll just say it’s the modern version.”

Duck cuddles him close, nestling his head beneath Sterns chin with a sigh. Then he cracks one eye open.

“‘Drid still here?”

“No” a voice lilts from the hallway, “I excused myself so the two of you could have a bit more time to yourselves.”

“You’re raidin the leftover birthday cake, ain’t you?”

“I haven’t the faintest idea what you mean” comes the somewhat garbled reply, as if Indrid is speaking around a mouthful of food. 

Duck presses his forehead to Sterns chest as he giggles, Stern cards his fingers through his hair with a bright laugh. 

“C’mon, city mouse, let’s go grab a snack. Don’t know about you, but I worked up an appetite.” Duck winks as he sits up, offers Stern his hand, and then the pair walk towards the warm, homey light of the kitchen.

\---------------------------------------------------

Barclay slips into the apartment as quietly as he can. Slips off his shoes, takes off his clothes even though the temptation to fall into bed fully-clothed is high, and pulls aside the blankets. Duck is in the middle of the bed, Indrid (glasses on) cuddled around him, and Stern on his side. Barclay settles softly on the end next to the agent, resting a hand gently on his waist. It turns out Stern isn’t all the way asleep, taking Barclays hand and pulling him into his usual position as the big spoon.

“Work go alright?” his boyfriend murmurs.

“Yeah. Not too busy, did have more than a few out-of-towners. How’d your plan go?”

“Perfectly.” Stern wiggles closer.

“That’s my special agent.” Barclay says fondly, kissing the back of his head.

“Oh” Stern looks sleepily over his shoulder “do you want to go see that new Godzilla movie tomorrow, just the two of us.”

Barclay kisses him chastely, “It’s a date, handsome.”

Stern smiles, shifts to get more comfortable in his embrace “I love you.”

“I love you too, babe. Night.”

"Goodnight." Stern yawns, shuts his eyes, and falls asleep surrounded, on all sides, by love.


End file.
